The child's universe
A child is a pearl that nature has given mankind in order to guarantee its continuity. To conceive, see the birth and bring up a child is one of the most fascinating things that could happen to a man and a woman.
It is one of the things that confirm the existence of God and which manifests itself in an active drive for renewal and evolution, since each child has the seed of the past that is projected into the future.
Waiting for the birth of a child was once seen as an apparently passive phase by the parents; in reality it is an intensely vibrant phase that manifests itself in a succession of little and imperceptible "contacts" that little by little are transformed into true interaction; the child and his mother feel and experience each other and start getting to know each other a long time before seeing each other and "getting to know each other again" at a cognitive level; the state of great complicity and familiarity that is already present at birth is due to the long phase in which they imagined and dreamt about each other.
It was once believed that children choose to come into the world and even determine the moment to do it: this now seems completely outdated because for the first time in the history of mankind it is possible to decide if and when to have a child; and yet, despite this many pregnancies seem to arrive suddenly, without any planning, which shows that the sense of life can manifest itself at a more profound level that does not perceive reason, and that obviously seems to have decided to postpone or deny this need.
When you discover that you are "expecting a child" a strange attitude of "gazing fondly" begins, which is typically tied to this state in which something is there even if it is not yet "visible", which is why it is possible to dream about it and to imagine it; this is a particular "construction" activity for your psyche; even if you do not intervene directly, apart from your psychic potential which are the result of expectations, of possibilities, you will in any case try to imagine it, almost to the point of seeing the child in advance, and to shape him or her by instilling your hopes and positive sentiments. In this long time-span, the triad child, mother and father begins to somehow interact, almost to communicate; the child tries to discover what he or she will encounter after his/her birth.
However, the pregnancy phase is never a phase devoid of difficulties; there are always anxieties, fears that appear in the psyche of the mother since, like all the things that are being "designed" it is always subject to thoughts and to the desire to predict the future.
In astrological terms it has always been said that a child comes into the world "under the sky that represents it" and it is difficult to hypothesise something different considering the precise will that almost always manages to impose itself on the plans that others had in mind.
However, although having a child seems the most natural act in the world, it can create a series of difficulties to the new parents, who are called upon to understand and to satisfy needs that are not always easy to decipher, and often without having a great deal of information.
Ironically, we enquire about everything if we are buying a new car while we do not do this when we want a child.
Everyone knows that the first years of life are decisive for the formation of character, because they remain in the memory as an indelible "imprinting" that develops psychological thought patterns able to condition decisions and behaviour in future adult life.
This is therefore why it is important to have help that makes it easier for the parents to find their way in respect of the particular predisposition of the child, so as to get to know him or her better, thus avoiding making big mistakes in the long educational process.
A world to discover
In this section is described the predisposition of the child in respect of the outside world; how he perceives it; in what way he faces it and how he relates to it, new things, everything that will be discovered, and adventure, including his conduct in respect of the new phases in his lives.
This vision is tied to birth, which leaves a very powerful imprint that evolutional psychology describes as "the archetype of the beginning"; a typical question: "what is out there for me"?
Depending on the type of birth there will therefore be a particular attitude towards life and other people, but also every new beginning and every phase of change must greet the dawn first, and then the day, and inevitably in these phases the attitude which characterized birth will be evoked, which therefore remains as a kind of "filter" that acts between a child and the world.
This is the way in which the child discovers the world: the moment the child begins to get an idea of what is out there, of how the world is and of how the child prepares himself/herself to greet it. This is represented physically by the cutting of the umbilical cord, but from a psychological point of view it means leaving EVERYTHING and the inexorable start of an individual and separate life, softened by the love and affection the child will receive.
It is a particular type of energy that strongly characterizes a child to the point of being recognisable for a long time.
Look at me, I am fantastic
Being born is something extraordinary for this child. He felt that his arrival was awaited, desired, he is a true King that everyone has come to applaud. He is a child who is extremely self-confident, an extrovert, a strong child with a great need to be seen to be at the centre of attention.
His birth brought a divine child, and he knows it.
He is vigorous, bold, always in search of adventure; for him the world is something he can handle ... it is there, ready to be conquered. He has a strong aura around him which easily puts others in the shade.
From when he is a small child he is a leader, and other children seem to follow him in a natural way, without him having to make too much of an effort. It is as if they acknowledge the natural authority that he exploits. He is the one who makes proposals, who organises and who acts as true matador.
In terms of affection, he needs security and a lot of exclusivity; he is accustomed to taking command and being gratified, instead he has to be accompanied with intelligence in his possible defeats; he takes defeats very badly and deals with frustration poorly; also, he fears his space being invaded. He is and wants to remain unique. Facing others is something that he has to learn to do gradually; this is why if he has a brother or sister, he will need particular attention and support to avoid him feeling excluded, a sensation that he is afraid of as if it were the plague, and that would lead him to express difficult reactions fuelled by envy and jealousy and by the hurt that he would feel.
Apart from this, he is magnificent. He has a high energy drive, almost a luminous aura ... that allows him to be with others with extreme ease. He is a child who loves to play, to amuse himself, but he is also generous and capable of great empathy towards weaker people. He is a true leader who is demanding, but who also gives a lot to others, and is a point of reference. When he grows up he will be the one who binds his group of friends together.
Physically, he is very strong: he loves conquest, adventure and has a lot of charisma, and it is this that means that he will not go unnoticed. Being theatrical and creative are among his many capabilities: at home he will behave like an actor in a "leading role", and if people are watching him he will always need to be the centre of attention.
He is loyal, and he doesn't know how to tell lies unless to protect himself from something that badly affects him. He hates mediocrity; he is a child who always wants to appear better than others and always wants to bring attention to life and the things he possesses, which are obviously extraordinary.
He hates routine, and everything that might put him into a situation of normality makes him feel uneasy, and he will try to avoid it.
If he could express his way of being in words he would say: "can you see how splendid I am?" This child has a real hero inside. However, in order for him to express himself he really needs to feel appreciated and accepted, also when he seems to exaggerate in terms of vanity; through reassurance of affection he will learn to leave that continuous need to be seen behind him, and he will become confident and enterprising, maintaining that attitude of being a leader that characterizes him.
He is born for the stage: whatever his future profession will be, he will need to develop his talent: this will be the way he expresses what he has inside and it will be his way of letting off steam.
If, instead, he is blocked, excluded, or even worse, humiliated in his grandiose image, he will suffer a lot and might close himself in a powerful and resentful rage.
Needs, certainties, the relationship with the mother and a model relationship
From the moment he is born our child has a series of needs (assurance - food - empathy - containment and feeding) that are fundamental for his growth and whose fulfilment will develop that sense of security and stability that will prepare him to face life.
These things are absolutely necessary for his physical and psychic survival and they are offered to him by his mother, the fundamental figure from which he already has an imprint that was formed in the long period passed in the uterus. From moment of his birth, the child establishes a very strong bond with his mother that will also be a relationship model on which he will orientate himself in the future.
The mother also has the function of being a "filter" between the child and the outside world; it is because of her work that the child will feel protected and looked after, and it is always his mother that, with her sensitivity, prevents emotions and experiences that are too strong from reaching him in a too direct way. In this way, if the filter works well, he will be able to approach his emotions in a soft way, without getting frightened and without blocking them.
The mother is symbolised by the Moon; in respect of a child his mother undertakes the function that the Moon carries out for the planet Earth. There are astronomic studies that assert that without our satellite it would not have been possible to develop life because it is the Moon that regulates and filters light and the heat of the Sun in excellent way, and above all, its effect on our oceans.
The mother is thus an archetype of support, ability to take care, of providing nourishment and emotional exchange, and, because of these prerogatives she will contribute in a powerful way to form the basic architecture of this child's psyche: it is from this first experience - that is called "attachment" - that the child will develop that ability to relate to and to empathize with itself and with others; it is the possibility of feeling what is happening around him, as well as considering the world as a safe or unsafe place.
It is during the long and intense relationship with the mother that the basic instinct joins with the emotional instinct. The security he gets from her and from his natal environment will make him feel part of human society and participating and belonging to it all, and able to face life with his potential.
This first period (the first 6 months of life) is also the period of imprinting, the pattern of what for him will be the intimacy and the affectionate relationship because its roots sink into the memory in the first important relationship in life.
It is very important to understand the fact that the child "is born with this exact Moon" in his birth chart and this prepares him for certain expectations in relation to the mother figure. These are expectations that Jung referred to as being "archetypal" that will later be developed further by encountering his real mother.
To understand the expectations and the "archetypal model" that the child has in his psyche, means understanding which thought patterns are taking place inside his mind, and in a certain sense, it reduces also the strong sense of guilt that mothers feel when they feel that they are not up to the task; we now know that a child is born with a certain potential and with his own intrinsic personality, which can be helped and developed.
However, it may be very positive to understand how the child perceives his mother and the outside world, in one way or another because by knowing the function of that exact symbol it is possible to understand his reactions, and it is therefore possible to be less pressing on certain issues.
Mother - relationship model
The maternal imprinting also creates the image of an ideal relationship within the psyche of the child, which he must try and develop during his life-time; however, since this regards an archetype, we can still assert that it will shape the idea of the relationship that will be searched for when the child becomes an adult.
The mother is a "filter" for the child, but also the first source of fulfilment: a mother can be particularly stimulating and make the child experience a kind of "wealth", a sensory and emotional gratification, and this initial base will forge a psyche that is more able to search for vital stimuli and be able to give a more appropriate and sophisticated environmental response.
All of this is very important for the development of his "internal relationship model" since, the instilled gratification and a feeling of stability and security will lead to stable and rewarding affectionate relationships as an adult, in relation to which esteem and acceptance are an integral part. Love for this child will be characterised by relationships of trust, which are linear and are based on a sense of personal value and reciprocal respect.
At the same time he will develop particular sensors that capable of making him perceive any ambivalence, refusals and various difficulties he may encounter: these signals will act as real informers that act in a way that he will be aware of how certain "interesting" people would actually end up as difficult relationships for him to handle. In this respect, the motherly filter will become a powerful protective barrier against suffering and situations that would devalue and would create danger to his affections; at the same time, when this child becomes an adult he will know how to behave, to open up to his feelings and get involved, because he will not be afraid; to the contrary he will be extremely interested in an intimate relationship. He will also know how to "take care" of people who need him, and if he has children he will know how to be tender and protective as well as loving, and able to help his partner in raising them.
This does not mean that this child will live on illusions which have no basis in reality: his confidence and his fidelity to his interior values will make him a realistic person with a clear perception of the fact that relationships have to be worked on, because they do not fall out of the sky and do not depend on luck: this awareness will help him get to know his partner, to explore various possibilities even in the face of difficulties, and never to devalue his companion because not only would this be of no use to him, but it would be against his true principles and feelings. He will know how to affectively and emotionally relate to his partner and the people with whom he will develop relationships, which is why there will always be a good chance that his relationships are successful and gratifying.
In this section of the horoscope of the child we analyse the way in which he perceived the maternal archetype; what will be his attachment model and the relationship with his emotions and his inner feelings; his relationship with intimacy and his capacity to have "feelings" will also be analysed.
To harmonise duty and pleasure, doubts and trust
The images that have accompanied this child throughout the entire gestation period have been tied to a sensation of insufficient support and fulfillment: perhaps something external has helped to create a sense of disconnection; the mother is very efficient, she is practical and determined, needy of personal gratification; perhaps she has many commitments and responsibilities, and as a result she has little time to dedicate to herself and to what is happening inside her ... as if it were impossible to stop and dedicate attention to the feelings and emotions that are characteristic of her condition.
The images that the child has inside are those of a woman very much influenced by the necessities and responsibilities in life, who is ambitious and needs to satisfy an identity that must become a reality in her career, and that therefore internally conceals certain needs that are considered less important, channeling inside her a sense of dissatisfaction that from time to time appears when she thinks she will not be able to allow herself to have something more that allows her to perceive the sense of fulfillment she so desires.
The child perceives the body of the mother as quite rigid and inflexible, and therefore not really fit "to contain and to welcome" him, perhaps because of so many worries and responsibilities that spoil her soft and supportive sides that could have put her in condition to trust in things and let them "happen" without being too attentive and controlled; in practical terms, the mother seems to be a little resigned to having to exercise control, as if she is afraid that life would be too chaotic if she does not put things in order constantly and establish rules.
She is a woman who defends herself, and the child feels that she tends to hold back her emotions, as if she feels it is impossible to express them and to let them flow to him; he perceives that she never lets herself go and this makes him perceive a sense of dissatisfaction and of non-fulfillment.
She is often a bit abrupt, does not like mawkishness and the child feels this as excessive detachment and an idea of the world as something which is not very pleasant, in which there is no time for sentiments and emotions. Since the mother is very independent and the child feels this propensity, it is a good thing to take a lot of care over the "critical passages" that can be experienced with scarce attention to his needs and therefore establish within him the idea that it is always necessary to do things himself because others do not understand his needs. It can make the child develop "insensitivity" towards the needs of others, due to not feeling personal satisfaction.
This configuration can bring "detachment" to light that it would always be better to avoid, accompanying the child in acquiring a sense of trust that will then allow him to overcome the anxiety that he feels, otherwise also as an adult he will tend to cut things out for fear of suffering too much.
The mother must be an equilibrist, trying not to be too rigid and not to give the idea that only duties and tasks exist, because he very much tends to feel this and the need she has for organisation and efficiency. This child is sensitive to imperatives and rules and if there is a good level of flexibility he will become less strict with himself and with others. The secret is in giving him the sense that there are limits without, however, making him lose self-confidence.
This child has a sensitive nature and needs reassurance to avoid developing a defence mechanism that covers his sensitive side; he needs a lot of support; he is very fanciful and he feels certain sides of his mother that are in contrast with his most intimate nature; he is often afraid of not being cuddled enough or receiving enough affection, and this makes him avid for everything: for food, affection and acceptance; he may develop a sense of dissatisfaction that arises as the perception of not "being good enough" for his mother who, perhaps, favours a sense of duty that lead her to being more interested in the material aspects of life rather than her relationship with him.
This child has the sensation that he must quickly become independent and this makes him feel uncomfortable: he needs support, strength that must come from the outside but he also needs everything that is gratifying: a little dreamer is hidden inside him; if he perceives the sensation that his mother does not like this aspect, he can hide it away in his unconscious, only relying on his mind and practical sense and this is a pity because he is sensitive, creative and fanciful.
He tends to perceive that his mother is incapable of experiencing the tender and pleasant side of life and he may therefore abandon it to conform to her behaviour.
The sensation that the mother does not allow herself to have any "pleasure" immediately makes this child develop a need for independence, but it is necessary to be careful because he may retain a substratum of fragility and fear that can be exasperated when faced with situations he does not feel up to, but he cannot even call for help for fear of showing weakness.
There is a strong drive towards independence means that it is necessary to develop interior support so that he may rely each time he needs to on a defensive shield because he lacks "self-confidence" that is indispensable to him; due to a lack of real support he may develop a rigid structure based on an ideal of self-sufficiency that protects him from any attempts to face the outside world.
The perception that the mother is hurrying along emotional independence is very real and he makes him take it on board and develop a protection against feelings of inadequacy. He perceives coldness when he appears needy and whiney and this forces him to defend himself and psychologically separate himself quickly and decisively from her in order to avoid perceiving a sense of detachment that he interprets as being a "refusal" of his fragility: it is necessary to take into account the fact that he has a profound sense of acceptance nostalgia that he is not able to attain, at least not as much and in the way he desires, and this may remain.
This child can acquire confidence in his abilities and reinforce his self-esteem when the qualities that he wants to show and that he appreciates are acknowledged; it is important to underline positive things because he perceives the strict side of his mother more strongly.
There are sensations of scarce familiarity of the mother with his body: he feels that the rapport of basic instincts is missing; however, it is important to know that it is possible to learn how to be tender: there are mothers who have a strong need for contact and closeness with the child, and mothers who do not have this need. However, it is important to be tender in the early days to allow him to form those internal images of peace and tranquility that will be able to access in moments of difficulty.
Security is also instilled through the "skin", by holding him close when he is afraid or anxious, and then letting him go when he wants to discover things and to venture into the outside world.
Excessive protection is not positive but neither is a lack of it because he will experience it as the incapacity of his mother to enjoy hugging him.
He also perceives the fragile sides of his mother and the hurt she has never gotten over that lead her to be disconnected psychologically from her child because in him she sees those unsatisfied needs screaming at her which she cannot cope with and therefore needs to negate. These never completely satisfied needs tend to emerge in the phase of motherhood that forces each woman to face the little child hidden inside them, which was never accepted, and is therefore still needy.
If the child abandons the perception of that sense of trust and acceptance that he desires because he cannot have it from his mother, his reaction may be to divide his dreams and expectations from what is practical in reality; however, as an adult what he will consider to be unfeasible and that will feel belongs to a world of "aspirations and dreams" will be channeled into his unconscious and will base certainties and things that exist and that can be achieved on this.
The defence erected by this child becomes effective and solid when he becomes an adult and he will leave everything that belongs to the realm of "pleasure and to letting yourself go to the imaginations and of your inner world" more and more outside of his life. In its place, his mind reassures him at all times that independence, organisation and counting on himself are the only true values that need to be developed.
As a boy, he will tend not to trust himself and not to allow himself to let his intense emotions get their way, and therefore in the phase of his life in which a sense of fulfillment may be fully recovered through relationships he will instead tend to reinforce his defenses against his feelings by not perceiving that internal "fragility" which he thinks he cannot respond to.
His life will settle on practical results and on everything that is tangible: his mind remains open, and ventures often in search for things that concern design and the world of ideas; he will become a futuristic person from a mental and professional viewpoint, who is practical and open to real change: however, the wounds he holds inside in regard to relationships where there is a fragile nucleus that makes him fearful when faced with sentiments, defending himself so as to avoid involvement and not be "subject" to something mysterious and which he desires but which is unknown to him.
A sense of completeness that he will have to recover together with his high level of creativity, sensitivity and imagination will be missing; it will be by crossing that demarcation line that he perceives as "losing your head" that will change him and make sense and give value to his life, by expressing his world of emotions and feelings.
He will be able to face that the sense of fragility he holds inside and that he perceived in his mother when she exercised control so as not to undergo an invasion of contents that emerge from the unconscious and that generate anxiety and dread.
There is an internal fight between his imagination and intuition on the one hand, and reality and logic on the other hand, between the material activities that are functional and nostalgia for what he feels is "unfeasible" due to the impossibility of his mother to let herself go and accept him unconditionally.
This child solves this conflict through psychological separation and the detachment, thereby also safeguarding himself against certain feelings that were creating difficulty and dissatisfaction; it is obvious that he feels this is also a struggle his mother has inside her, and which removed the sentimental part of her nature and instinctive intensity in favour of rational control that she feels is more certain in attaining what wants.
She is a female who has abdicated the softest and more intense side of her nature which may leave a gap in her sensitive side and in the ability to think that life can also be acceptance and support where necessary, and that all you have to do is ask for it.
There is something "unhappy" and "resigned" in the mother that this child is conscious of and that he tries not to burden her with his needs. The mother seems hard on herself and the child risks becoming just as hard with her and subsequently with himself.
There is no doubt that all of us can only find within ourselves what was put there some time ago; this hardness is certainly an inheritance that the mother leaves behind her and not having experienced tenderness and hugs herself can make these gestures with her child difficult; to this can be added a fear of making mistakes and of going too far with physical and emotional contact that she is afraid and which she therefore hurries in relation to her child: it is in any case possible to approach this type of communication in order to rediscover that spontaneity and sense of trust in life and in human warmth that would otherwise remain lost.
This configuration drives the child towards freedom and independence by not experiencing a sense of emptiness and restlessness that often accompany him anymore; his need for affection and intimacy will remain hidden and ignored for a long time, but it will return to make him truly self-sufficient, able to be involved without, however, being trapped.
At a glance this interpretation can seem difficult for the mother; it must instead be seen as food for thought and understanding the fact that the child will tend to perceive some of her characteristics more strongly and intensely than others, and therefore to know in advance that when he is very little he is particularly sensitive to certain aspects can be very useful and try to offer also what seems very difficult.
We all tend to reflect the models that we have imprinted inside us and to interpret them in an automatic way: women who have had problems of emotional detachment and excess independence tend to experience the phases in which the child needs support and attention with greater intensity, repeating acquired behavioural schemes and creating difficulties at a conscious level they would like to avoid: to know this helps us all think about what we felt was uncomfortable in our own mother in order to avoid repeating it with our child.
From the child's point of view there remains the concept of a "project" that each of us chooses before being born and that in this case is a need for determination and the attainment of a good level of autonomy and freedom: in the case of difficulty in living in a difficult family situation, it indicates a journey in which it is necessary to take particular care of one's internal relationship, with the affective and emotional autonomy and a journey based on recovering the characteristics that have been put aside so as to once again find a sense of unity and completeness.
To have been subjected to difficulty will be a quicker way to go towards what is required to have a full and gratifying life from all points of view.
